Some days I find myself thinking what the f*ck am I doing with my life...
I thought that maybe having a clear path ahead or at least having an idea of what’s going to happen next month or next year will calm my mad head... but I guess we’re all on the same boat of riding this uncertainty right? There are times that uncertainty scares me and sometimes when I’m feeling a bit silly it does thrill and excite me. The previous year, 2020, had been a huge slap and tested me in so many ways. My patience, tolerance, stress management, planning and being flexible in some adjustments, standing up for myself and most of all in decision making. I’m not much of a person who seeks advice but I do want to be heard for my thoughts which can lead to people thinking that I might be a whiny bitch. I only speak to someone for specific stuff, and that is only if I do know that he/she has firsthand experience of it. I’ve noticed that most of the time people respond to your story with some unsolicited advice feedback from their point of view. I’m not saying that like there’s something wrong with it though. Maybe there’s something wrong with me by not taking it very well sometimes and that I only listen to things that I want to hear. My actions and decisions can be a bit shocking or too radical for some I guess but I never really regret much, if and when it comes to the point that it doesn’t end up very well. I’ve driven myself and life has thrown me to a couple of things I may be proud and not proud of. I tend to have itchy feet and jump from different things from time to time. “At the end, all of it won’t matter anyway” is what I always tell myself. I always strive for freedom. Freedom from any fear, as that will always hold me back from living my life fully. I’m sure as heck that I don’t want to live a life that bores me. Some people might not like me or what I’m up to and instead of telling myself to fit in what the society wants me to be I just always ask myself if I can tolerate being misunderstood.
So what am I really doing with my life anyway? Think my best answer to that is embracing the not knowing. Uncertainty is a hard pill to swallow for sure but guess we’ll just have to live with it. If I ever do come across some bad bad stuff or even anything, that’ll be one for my collection of story books and guess that’s what “all adventurous women do!”, a line from one of my favorite series Girls.
Post a Comment