I don’t know how to properly
write this post because it’s difficult to explain what’s up with my life
lately.
Well I guess life lately has been all about learning and coping. I’m in the phase of my life where everyday feels like a routine but somehow there’s still small differences and those small differences makes me not so bored about my current life. Ever since I’ve moved on my own in a new and bigger city everyday seems like an adventure and exploration. I feel like I’m learning a lot and at the same time I also forget few things that I used to do because I just have to get out there and experience what’s life has to offer. I gain some knowledge and it makes me want to go deeper and question everything more and more that even Google might find me as a very strange person for asking so many things that doesn’t appears on search suggestions. There are days that I feel crazy and there days that I feel infinite that the song Hero by David Bowie is playing on my head and I just want to raise my arms and be in the moment just like Sam, a character played by Emma Watson, in one of the scene (which is also my favorite scene) in the movie Perks of Being a Wallflower. And due to the extreme emotions that I’m having I realized that sometimes feelings might be fake. I’ve watched this video on Anna Akana’s Youtube channel. And I can somehow relate to it that I might be acting crazy for no reason just because of the so called pills but I need it and my body is totally dependent on it so I can’t just stop taking it. But that’s a different and long story so let’s not go through that. I can also say that I can do house hold chores and organize things for myself. I feel like such a grown up because of this. Leaving on a diverse city thought me how to deal with different people although it’s such a tricky thing for me because I’m an introvert and unsociable person but now I can say that somehow my social skill is improving. I learned how to speak up in workplace and other aspects in life and that I can’t just stay quiet and say yes to everything. Due to some stress on weekdays my friends and I decided to go on a bar after work and it such a good feeling to just get lost in the music and I think it’s one of the good way on how to end weekdays and I think that I can almost do it every week (oops, sorry mom. Lol) if I’m not feeling lazy to go out or if I don’t want to hide from the world. But I don’t drink any alcoholic beverages and I don’t need it in order to have fun. I just need music and I’m totally fine with it. I need to go in such places because I can’t just blast the whole room with loud music and dance like no one is watching because I’m staying with other people a.k.a. roommates and they will surely think that I’m really crazy. Living with other people is difficult but then I cope up with it and it somehow became a norm for me. Living on my own and less interaction with people is peaceful but then there are times that it makes me so lonely. When it was 12 in the midnight it suddenly hits me that “Oh, I’m so alone…” sometimes I just want to sob until I fall asleep and I feel like I need someone to be there for me but then I got to learn how to cope up with it because I have chosen to be a loner. I have few free times and I spend it mostly on sleeping. I forgot that I have a sketch pad to draw and paint on. I forgot that I haven’t finished reading a book and have loads of books to read, I forgot that I have a journal wherein I use to write on every single thought before going to bed, I even forgot that I have a personal laptop wherein I write for my blog and do surreal collage art collecting pictures and putting it all together. I almost forgot what I used to be before because I was so busy with life that I fail to remember small things that fulfill me and makes me who I am, my passion and my hobbies. Looking at my dusty old paint brushes makes me nostalgic. I should still a lot time for myself to flourish in things that I love doing because that’s who I am.
Anyway, this post is becoming so long. I just wish you all out there to have a great and happy life wherever you might be. Everyday life might be dull, deranged, blithe, and ecstatic or whatever adjective is available out there just to describe it, but still we have to learn how to cope with the broadness of it and try to make the most of it. Stay awesome you guys!
"You are not a small and unimportant creature confined to the form of this physical body, contrary to popular belief. At the core of your being you are pure awareness, and this awareness is the same source from which everything in the Universe arises, exists as, and returns to. Consciousness is the dimension of yourself that you have forgotten you are, and of which you long to return to." - Joseph P. Kauffman
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